Buckeye Humor - www.scaredshark.com

THE VOICE OF GOD

The score is OSU 17, UM 13. Ball on the OSU 3, Five seconds to play. Carr calls timeout and, while his team is coming over to the sideline, looks up to God and says, "God, I've been a good man. I've tried to be honest, work hard, treat others well. I'm a churchgoing man and don't ask much from you. But, this is the biggest game of my career and if you could give me some guidance on the next play, I'd certainly be grateful"
Suddenly, the clouds part, and the sun shines down on Lloyd. He then

hears a booming voice: "Sweep, wide right on 2!"
     Lloyd can't believe it. He hurriedly tells Navarre the play. Michigan comes back onto the field after the timeout. Lloyd is absolutely giddy. God, HIMSELF, called this play. He's going to win and get the UM faithful off his back finally!
     The ball is snapped, Navarre pitches to Chris Perry who runs a sweep to the right. He turns up field at the 5, to the 2 to the 1 and...is drilled by AJ Hawk and stopped at the 1. Time expires.
As the Buckeye teams and fans storm the field, Lloyd can't believe it!
     He looks up to the sky and bellows: "GOD, Why did you call that play??"
     God looks down, shrugs, looks to his left and says, "I don't know. Woody, why did we call that play?"

HORSEBACK RIDING

A Wolverine football player was almost killed in a tragic horseback riding accident. He fell from the horse and was nearly trampled to death. Luckily, the manager of the Wal-Mart came out and unplugged it in time!

MORE Q & A's

Q: Why is ice no longer available at Michigan football games?
A: The senior who knew the recipe graduated.

Q: What are the longest 3 years of a Michigan football player's life?
A: His freshman year.

Q: You're at a party with 100 people in the room and only one of them is a Michigan grad, how do you tell which one is from U-M?
A: Just wait a couple minutes, he'll tell you.

UM FOOTBALL PLAYER HUNTING TRIP

     Two Michigan football players went out hunting, being stupid and clumsy one of the players shot the other. He was really scared, got out his cell phone, called 911 and explained the situation, the 911 operator told him to calm down.
He kept exclaiming, "HE'S DEAD, HE'S DEAD!"
     The operator asked the UM football player if he was sure that his friend actually was dead? He said he wasn't sure, so the operator told him, "well the first thing we need to do make sure that he is really dead",

     The UM football player said "okay" and put down the phone.
     Then the operator heard a big shot gun blast. She Screamed into the phone "SIR ARE YOU OKAY!!" and continued to repeat herself.
     The UM player came back on the line and said, "Yes I'm okay, and I am sure he is dead now!"

DID YOU EVER HAVE TO MAKE UP YOUR MIND?

Little Johnny runs up to his mother and says, "Mommy, Mommy! I want to be a Wolverine when I grow up!"
Mom answers, "Now Johnny, you know you can't do both."

CONVERTED YOUNG BUCKEYE FAN SEES THE LIGHT

     A Michigan family of football supporters head out one Saturday to do their Christmas shopping. While in the sports shop the son picks up an Ohio State jersey and says to his older sister, "I've decided to become a Buckeyes fan and I would like this for Christmas".
     His big sister is outraged by this and promptly whacks him round the head and says, "Go talk to mother".
     Off goes the little lad with the Ohio State jersey in hand and finds his mother.
     "Mom?"
     "Yes son?"
     "I've decided I'm going to be an Ohio State fan and I would like this jersey for Christmas".
     The mother is outraged at this, promptly whacks him around the head and says, "Go talk to your father!"
     Off he goes with the Ohio State Jersey in hand and finds his father.
     "Dad?"
     "Yes son?"
     "I've decided I'm going to be an Ohio State fan and I would like this jersey for Christmas".
     The father is outraged and promptly whacks his son around the head and says, "No son of mine is ever going to be seen in THAT!"
     About half an hour later they're all back in the car and heading towards home.
     The father turns to his son and says "Son, I hope you've learned something today?"
     The son says, "Yes, Dad, I have."
     "Good son, what is it?"
     To which the son replies, "I've only been an Ohio State fan for an hour and I already hate you Michigan jerks!"

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AND ON THE 6TH DAY HE CREATED '3 YARDS IN A CLOUD OF DUST'

When the Heisman trophy winner died and was at the pearly gates, St Peter asked what he had accomplished to be allowed in. The football player responded with all of his awards, yardage gained, etc and suddenly stopped short screaming "Look it is Woody Hayes" as the man passed by him.
St Peter then corrected him saying, "No, it is God... He thinks he is Woody Hayes"

FINALLY PUT TO GOOD USE

Q: Why do University of Michigan graduates keep their diplomas on their dashboard?
A: So that they can park in handicapped spaces.

A SHOCKING DISCOVERY

     Three profs go to Tijuana. They had so much fun they were put in jail and, justice being what it is, were sentenced to death by electrocution. The first Prof sits in the chair.
     "Any last words?"
     "Yes, I'm from Northwestern and I'm ready to meet my God."
     But nothing happens when the switch is thrown and the Prof is released because it would be cruel and unusual to attempt a second excecution.
     Next guy gets into the chair and announces he's from Purdue, etc. and again nothing happens and he is released.
     The third Prof has been watching very closely. When he gets into the chair he says, "I'm from U. of Michigan and I'm an Electrical Engineer. And if you just connect those two wires..."

FADED GLORY

     One day a housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to his wife, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
     "It depends," she replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
     He yelled back, "Go Michigan."
     "Use hot water, a box of Tide, and four cups of bleach."

A FINAL CONFESSION

     Jake was dying. His wife, Becky, was maintaining a candlelight vigil by his side. She held his fragile hand, tears running down her face. Her praying roused him from his slumber. He looked up and his pale lips began to move slightly.
     "Becky my darling" he whispered.
     "Hush my love," she said. "Rest, don't talk." He was insistent.
     "Becky," he said in his tired voice, "I have something that I must confess." "There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Becky.
     "Every thing's all right, go to sleep."
     "No, no. I must die in peace, Becky. I...I have been a Michigan Fan all of my life!"
     "I know sweetheart," whispered Becky, "let the poison work."

OBVIOUSLY!

Q - What do you call a Michigan football player with talent?
A - An Ohio product

WELL, THAT'S JUST ONE OF THE DIFFERENCES...

Q: What�s the difference between the Michigan football team and Frosted Flakes?
A: Frosted Flakes know what to do in a bowl

LET ME TAKE YOU ON A SEA CRUISE

     A Michigan grad sees an ad for a $99 cruise. He goes to the travel agent and pays the fee. The travel agent hits him over the head with a club, stuffs him in a sack, throws him out the window onto a raft and cuts the raft loose. The Michigan grad wakes up floating in the ocean, along with another Michigan graduate.
     "I hope they serve dinner on this cruise," the first grad says.
     "They didn't last year," the second one replies.