Buckeye Humor - www.kcbucks.org

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS

Q: WHAT DO YOU CALL A MICHIGAN FOOTBALL PLAYER WITH HALF A BRAIN?
A: GIFTED.

Q: WHY DOES MRS. CARR PUT LLOYD’S FRUIT LOOPS ON A PLATE?
A: BECAUSE IF THEY WERE IN A BOWL HE’D LOSE THEM.

Q: WHY DID THEY OUTLAW “THE WAVE” IN MICHIGAN?
A: TWO WOLVERINES DROWNED.

Q: HOW DO YOU BREAK A MICHIGAN STUDENT’S FINGER?
A: PUNCH HIM IN THE NOSE.

Q: WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU CROSS A MICHIGAN FAN WITH A PIG?
A: NOTHING. THERE ARE SOME THINGS A PIG JUST WON’T DO.

Q: HOW MANY PALLBEARERS WOULD BE NEEDED FOR A WOLVERINES FUNERAL?
A: TWO. A GARBAGE CAN ONLY HAS TWO HANDLES.

Q: WHAT DO YOU CALL A DEAD PIG ON A TRACTOR THAT WON’T START?
A: MICHIGAN’S HOMECOMING PARADE.

Q: HOW MANY MICHIGAN FOOTBALL PLAYERS DOES IT TAKE TO SCREW IN A LIGHT BULB?
A: ONE, BUT HE GETS A DEGREE IN ELECTRICAL ENGINEERING TO DO IT.

Q: HOW MANY MICHIGAN STUDENTS DOES IT TAKE TO EAT AN OPOSSUM?
A: THREE. ONE TO EAT; TWO TO WATCH FOR CARS.

Q: WHAT DO YOU CALL A MICHIGAN FOOTBALL PLAYER WITH A DIPLOMA?
A: A CHEAT.

Q: WHAT DID LLOYD DO WHEN HE LOCKED HIS KEYS IN HIS CAR?
A: HE USED A COAT HANGER TO GET HIS FAMILY OUT.

Q: HOW DO YOU GET A MICHIGAN GRADUATE OFF YOUR PORCH?
A: PAY HIM FOR THE PIZZA.

	Q: WHY IS MICHIGAN TOILET PAPER 400 FEET LONG? A: 399 FEET ARE INSTRUCTIONS. Q: WHAT DOES IT SAY ON THE BACK OF EVERY MICHIGAN DIPLOMA? A: “WILL WORK FOR FOOD” Q: WHY DID THE MICHIGAN TEAM BUS TURN
AROUND WHEN IT GOT TO OHIO STADIUM? A: BECAUSE THE SIGN SAID “STADIUM LEFT” SO THEY DID.

Q. WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A LITTER OF PUPPIES AND WOLVERINES FANS?
A. THE PUPPIES STOP WHINING AFTER 6 WEEKS.

Q. HOW CAN YOU TELL WHEN THE MICHIGAN WOLVERINES ARE GOING TO RUN THE FOOTBALL?
A. THE BACK LEAVES THE HUDDLE WITH TEARS IN HIS EYES

Q. HOW DO YOU MEASURE A U OF MICHIGAN GRADUATE'S I.Q.?
A. WITH A TIRE GAUGE.

Q. WHAT SHOULD YOU DO IF YOU FIND THREE UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN FANS BURIED UP TO THEIR NECK IN CEMENT?
A. GET MORE CEMENT.

Q: WHAT DOES EVERY MICHIGAN GRADUATE SAY TO EVERY OHIO STATE GRADUATE WHEN THEY COME FACE TO FACE?
A: WOULD YOU LIKE FRIES WITH THAT?

Q: WHAT IS A MICHIGAN DIPLOMA ACTUALLY USED FOR?
A: HANDICAP PARKING.

Q: DO YOU KNOW WHY THE POST OFFICE CHOSE MI AS AN OFFICIAL ABBREVIATION OF MICHIGAN?
A: IT STANDS FOR MOSTLY IDIOTS.

Q: WHAT DO YOU CALL A FOOTBALL PLAYER IN MICHIGAN WHO HAS TALENT?
A: A PRODUCT OF OHIO.

Q: DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE MICHIGAN FAN THAT RAN AFTER THE GARBAGE TRUCK YELLING “AM I TOO LATE FOR THE GARBAGE?”
A: THE DRIVER REPLIED “NO, JUMP IN!”

Q: A MICHIGAN GRAD GETS UP IN A HELICOPTER. GOES UP 800 FEET THEN SUDDENLY CRASHES TO THE GROUND. WHAT HAPPENED?
A: IT GOT CHILLY UP THERE, SO HE TURNED OFF THE FAN.

CLICK ON ANY IMAGE FOR A LARGER VIEW

Q: WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A CATFISH AND A WOLVERINE FAN?
A: ONE’S A BOTTOM CRAWLING SCUM SUCKER AND THE OTHER’S JUST A FISH.

Q: WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A DEAD WOLVERINE AND A SQUISHED SKUNK IN THE ROAD?
A: THE VULTURES WILL EAT THE SKUNK.

Q: WHAT’S THE STRONGEST ARGUMENT AGAINST BOTH THEORIES OF ORIGIN?
A: WOLVERINES. WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD CREATE OR EVOLVE INTO THIS SPECIES?

Q: WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A WOLVERINE AND A TRAMPOLINE?
A: YOU TAKE YOUR SHOES OFF TO JUMP ON THE TRAMPOLINE.

Q: WHEN WOLVERINES DIE, WHY ARE THEY BURIED IN A HOLE 24 FEET DEEP?
A: BECAUSE DOWN DEEP, THEY ARE ALL NICE GUYS.

Q: WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN YOGURT AND A WOLVERINE?
A: YOGURT HAS CULTURE.

Q: HOW MANY WOLVERINES DOES IT TAKE TO STOP A BUS?
A: NEVER ENOUGH

Q: HOW MANY WOLVERINES DOES IT TAKE TO ROOF A HOUSE?

A. DEPENDS ON HOW THIN YOU SLICE THEM.

Q: WHAT DO YOU DO IF YOU RUN OVER A WOLVERINE?
A: BACK OVER HIM TO MAKE SURE. THEN, MAKE ANOTHER NOTCH ON THE STEERING WHEEL.

Q: WHAT DO YOU HAVE WHEN A WOLVERINE IS BURIED UP TO HIS NECK IN SAND?
A: NOT ENOUGH SAND.

Q: WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A DEAD DOG ON THE FREEWAY AND A DEAD MICHIGAN FAN ON THE FREEWAY?
A: THERE ARE SKID MARKS IN FRONT OF THE DOG.

Q: WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MICHIGAN AND FROSTED FLAKES?
A: FROSTED FLAKES KNOW WHAT TO DO IN A BOWL.

Q: WHY DOESN’T MICHIGAN HAVE ICE ON THE SIDELINES DURING GAMES?
A: THE GUY WITH THE RECIPE GRADUATED.

Q: HOW DO YOU KEEP A WOLVERINE OUT OF YOUR BACKYARD?
A: PUT UP GOALPOSTS.

Q: WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU DRIVE BY THE UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN?
A: A DEGREE.

Q: WHAT IS BLACK AND BROWN AND LOOKS GOOD ON A WOLVERINE?
A: A DOBERMAN.

Q: HOW DO YOU KEEP A MICHIGAN PLAYER FROM DROWNING?
A: TAKE YOUR FOOT OF HIS HEAD.

Q: WHERE WAS O.J. HIDING BEFORE THE FAMOUS WHITE BRONCO CHASE?
A: ON THE MICHIGAN CAMPUS, BECAUSE THAT’S THE LAST PLACE YOU’LL FIND A FOOTBALL PLAYER.

Q: WHAT DOES THE AVERAGE MICHIGAN PLAYER GET ON HIS S.A.T. ?
A: DROOL

Q: HOW DO YOU KEEP YOU FAMILY SAFE FROM A WOLVERINE?
A: MOVE TO PASADENA.

Q: WHY DON’T THEY TEACH DRIVER’S ED AND SEX ED THE SAME DAY IN MICHIGAN?
A: IT IS TOO HARD ON THE MULE

Q. WHAT DO MOST MICHIGAN FOOTBALL PLAYERS BECOME WHEN THEY GRADUATE?
A. FORTY

Q. WHAT'S THE ONLY SIGN OF INTELLIGENT LIFE IN MICHIGAN?
A. COLUMBUS: 192 MILES

Q. WHAT IS THE DEFINITION OF AN OPTIMIST:
A. A MICHIGAN WOLVERINE FAN WAITING AT THE AIRPORT FOR THE WOLVERINES TO RETURN FROM THE ROSE BOWL.

Q. HOW DO YOU KNOW WHEN A WOLVERINES FAN IS ABOUT TO SAY SOMETHING SMART?
A. WHEN HE STARTS HIS SENTENCE WITH "A BUCKEYE FAN ONCE TOLD ME...."

Q. WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE MICHIGAN WOLVERINES AND A DOLLAR BILL?
A. YOU CAN STILL GET FOUR QUARTERS OUT OF A DOLLAR.

Q. HOW MANY MICHIGAN WOLVERINES DOES IT TAKE TO WIN A ROSE BOWL?
A. LLOYD CARR HAS NO IDEA!

Q. WHAT DO YOU CALL 85 PEOPLE SITTING AROUND A TV WATCHING THE ROSE BOWL?
A. THE MICHIGAN WOLVERINES

Q. WHAT KIND OF AUTOMOBILE DOES JIM TRESSEL OWN?
A. LLOYD CARR